devarim

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It's Tevet! And you thought I forgot, aaron, didn't you?

During 2005, Devarim had...

243 posts published
878 (non-spam) comments posted
172,299 hits
142,383 page views
54,436 site visits
1,366 average unique visitors per month

Thanks, guys!

There's a new blogger on the scene: Ruth. I assume she takes her name from the most famous Jew-by-choice of all. Not much content yet, but it looks promising...and I like the tagline.

From a New York Times article on Libyan food:

The better restaurants in Tripoli often carry an array of meze-style salads, the highlight of which was usually eggplant dishes. Arab salad, a mixture of chopped cucumber, tomato, bell peppers and parsley, followed the soup.

It looks like New Englanders will have a little extra time to file their taxes this year (and next?):

The Internal Revenue Service has pushed back the deadline for federal tax returns to April 18 for people in Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Vermont, Maryland and the District of Columbia.

The deadline was pushed back because April 15 falls on a Saturday and April 17 is Patriots Day, a state holiday in Massachusetts and Maine. Because of the holiday, the IRS service center in Andover, Mass., where the tax returns from the six states are processed, will be closed on April 17.

The deadline was last pushed back in 2002, said IRS spokeswoman Peggy Riley. Mainers will be given two extra days to file in 2007 because April 15 falls on a Sunday and Patriots Day falls the day after, she said.

Maine Revenue Services has pushed back the deadline for state tax returns as well. They have to be postmarked by midnight April 18.

One black Nine West tote bag, of the Official Bag of the Probate and Family Court Law Clerk Program line, purchased only last month, barely used, like-new condition, but for the gracefully aging stench of one exploded mocha-latte flavored Stonyfield Farm organic lowfat yogurt.

OK, it's not really for sale, but any ideas on how to clean this thing without spending more on my cleaning bill than I spent on the bag in the first place?

Well, it looks like my bag is back in business, and I thank you all for your suggestions. It turns out that the simplest solution may very well have been the best. At work, I wiped off most of the yogurt junk, rinsed a few parts of the lining here and there, and let the most-terribly-affected part of the bag air-dry under my desk. When I got home, I dumped the conents of the bag onto the floor and scrubbed away at the entire lining with clothing detergent and warm water, rinsed well, and propped it open to dry for a few days. Let me tell you, that lining is not sewn so as to be easily turn-out-able, which it why I'm concerned that maybe I didn't get all the icky stuff out. But the bag looks okay and smells okay, so I'm declaring it clean, for now.

If it shows any sign of funkiness later this week, though, I'm breaking out the baking soda and the Nature's Miracle.

Received from a co-worker of mine:

my lovely wife, [---], is in need of patients for her new england regional board dentistry exam. she is offering dental work for the low, low cost of zero dollars ($0). all that is required is that you receive a free screening from her at a mutually convenient time and that her needs for her exam match your needs for new teeth and such. please pass this information along to those in need (excepting that guy who opens the door for you at store 24 in exchange for money or food). benefits include newfound self-confidence, brighter smiles, fresh breath, and the chance to stare up my wife's nose for a couple of hours.

I just IM'd the following to Alisha:

i'm tired and cranky and stressed and depressed and my life sucks and i almost gave into the urge to BUY CHALLAH

Oh dear. I can't believe I'm doing this. It is quite possibly the consummate example of eating my words. It's the thing I said I would never do. (Well, to be fair, I'm sure there are many things I said I would never do, and I can probably llive up to most of those promises, but this is particularly striking.) It's so very conformist and nonconfrontational and so terribly unlike me that I'm surprised Julian hasn't already filed for divorce.

I'm getting a wig.

For those of you who have only recently started reading Devarim, allow me to direct your attention to some older posts about hair-covering. I'm not sure whether it comes across in any of those posts, but (as many people who know me in real life already know) I am vehemently anti-wig. For myself, of course. The rest of y'all can do whatever you want, but it's just not the sort of thing I want to do for myself. At least, not in an ideal world. Wigs just seem wrong to me - why should I cover my hair with more hair? I've heard all the standard arguments: it more effectively covers all of your hair (I don't care about showing the ends of my hair under a hat); it looks nicer and boosts your self-confidence (actually it would make me feel like a fake); you are less likely to take it off in public (I suppose there's some truth to that one, but I've gotten past taking off my hats in public)...I know there are other reasons, I'm sure I've heard them, and I probably already have counter-arguments.

Since I was married, with the exception of a few months in the fall of 2004 (when I didn't cover my hair at work) and several job interviews in the two years before that, I have been consistently covering my hair (at least the majority of it) in any setting ouside of my home and in the presence of men other than my husband and father. Depending on the setting and my mood, I'll wear either a simple cotton beret, a dressy hat, a snood (generally only for overnights at someone else's house), or a large headscarf. At work, it's always a beret, usually in black or dark brown (though I've been known to go wild and crazy with a plum-colored one on some Fridays).

Right, so...now I have come to the point in my life where I must start interviewing for jobs again. My clerkship, extended for one year, will end in August. It is time for me to go out into the big wide world and be a real lawyer. As I plan to stay in the family and probate law field, I expect to have a fair amount of client interaction and courtroom time in my future. I know (or, rather, know of) several other Jewish women who are lawyers and cover their hair at work in some obvious way - usually subdued berets like the ones I've been wearing. And I certainly have enough of a spark in me, enough of a go-to-hell attitude about these things, to decide to just wear hats all the time because dammit it should be my right to do so and ain't no one gonna stop me. If I were a guy, I'd wear a kippah without question. If I were a Muslim woman, I'd wear hijab. I would be doing my little part to combat religious discrimination (or so I'd like to think).

And yet...it's not that simple in my situation. In most people's eyes, a cotton beret is not so much a religious symbol as a fashion statement - and a less than professional-looking fashion statement, at that. What am I going to do - preface every motion argument with: "Your Honor, may it please the Court, I wear this hat for the sole purpose of covering my hair according to the strictures of Jewish law. I mean no disrespect to the judiciary and presume it will have no prejudicial effect on my client?" Obviously no judge would admit to prejudice, and probably there would be no conscious prejudice in any case, but if I want to be a good attorney, I can't allow for unconscious prejudice, either.

I have discussed the issue at length with many friends, some of whom are rebbetzins and/or very learned in the relevant halachot, some of whom share my anti-wig sentiment, and some of whom fit both of those categories. One of the both-categories people had an inital reaction of: "Oh no, Shanna, don't get a sheitel!"* She knew that I like being in-your-face about my hair-covering, and for whatever reason she shares my practical views - this woman wears only hats to cover her hair, which she does scrupulously. But as I explained the situation...how I would have to meet with and instill confidence in clients, how I would negotiate in private meetings and argue in court, how important it is for an advocate to get people to focus on what she wants them to focus on to the exclusion of even minor distractions...she changed her mind. Almost regretfully, she looked me in the eyes and said almost the exact same thing I'd heard from someone else just a few days before: "You may not endanger or compromise your clients or your profession/employment. Not when there's a way to avoid it that still allows you to follow the letter of the law."**

And so...I have decided to get me some Fake Hair. I may not be able to procure said Fake Hair before I have to start interviewing for jobs, but I'm going to try. If it doesn't work out, so be it. I'll give my contact person a heads-up that I'll be wearing a hat for religious reasons, I'll briefly state that I am open to reasonable alternative solutions in the long-term, and hopefully that will be the end of the issue. But, one way or another, there is probably Fake Hair in my future. Tomorrow I'll be trying to call a local woman who sells falls and wigs out of a basement one town over, and if she can fit me in on my day off, all the better. In a few weeks, I'll be in New York again, and a friend*** has graciously offered to take me on a short tour of some Brooklyn sheitel shops. The truth is, if I'm going to do this for work, and for the purpose of not making it obvious that I'm covering my hair, I need to go with the good stuff: European human hair, as close to my natural hair color as scientifically possible, and probably custom-made for a full wig, complete with wispy baby hairs at the hairline and a skin-color, multidirectional part.

I sure as hell hope I find a job to pay these things off. And I hope it's worth it.

-=-

Postscript: Based on an IM conversation with one of my readers, I feel the need to clarify one point. This isn't really a question of wig-or-hat. It's more like wig-or-nothing. I mean, maybe not really...I'm not sure I could really do that anymore, but I also don't really think I can stick with this hat thing in all situations anymore, either.

Also, any tips, tricks, advice, commentary is certainly welcome!

-=-

* A Yiddish term commonly used to refer to a wig used for the purpose of a married woman's covering her hair according to the requiements of Jewish law.

*** ...who may also choose to reveal herself.

part of a series: II, II 1/2, branching out, III, IV, sub-V, V . . .

Why do I get the feeling this is going to be a very long series?

This morning I went over to a friend's home to try on some of her Fake Hair. I found the entire experience alternately silly, intimidating, and freakish. Dude, that's some European woman's hair knotted onto a mesh cap and sitting on my head! Probably the hair of several European women, come to think of it, blended together and dyed and treated to look like it all came from the same head. My friend has both a full wig and a filled-in band fall, the kind that starts an inch or two beyond your hairline but contains a full head of hair from there on back. You wear it with a headband to both hold it in place and to conceal the hairless front, hence the name. (I'm told you can also wear one by pulling some of your own hair over the front, mixing it in with the wig hair, and creating a half-ponytail to hold it all in place.

The full wig looked terrible on me, probably because it wasn't made to fit my head or match my natural color or suit my face or anything. It was also heavy and itchy. On the other hand, the fall (which I am wearing in the pictures you see) was less than terrible, and I think I could get used to the idea. Not with such long hair, though, of course.

I think I'd have to get the narrowest and most subdued headbands out there, in order to feel comfortable with the concept. The Burberry pattern was fun, but I felt way too trendy and playful in it.

The entire experience reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend some time before I was married (but after I was engaged). This particular friend is a good generation and half older than I am and, though Jewish, not particularly observant. I was discussing hair-covering alternatives, and complaining about not wanting to get a wig but probably needing to in order to be a proper lawyer, and trying to hammer out exactly what the minimum halachic requirements for kisui rosh are (could I just pull my hair back with a big clip?). She understood my distaste for Fake Hair and agreed that a hat or scarft probably would not be suitable for my future professional environment. Then she suggested, "Well, couldn't you just wear one of those wide headbands? I see young women in Brooklyn doing that all the time; it must be good enough." After a moment, I explained that those women were also wearing wigs, and the headbands were their to keep them in place. I use the memory of that conversation to remind me that a good number of people don't realize that the hair on the other side of those headbands isn't attached to the heads in question. I'm not sure how I feel about that...

In the meantime, I have made an appointment with a Fake Hair dealer for later on this afternoon. I'm going alone, and in pants. Wish me luck!

Update: I'm not going alone! One of my friends offered to come with me. Yay!

part of a series: I, II 1/2, branching out, III, IV, sub-V, V . . .

So my friend F and I went for my appointment this afternoon. F was terific and asked lots of very good questions, some of which I'd never though of and others of which I'd hought of but completely forgotten. There were no try-ons, but the Fake Hair Lady (FHL) spent a lot of time explaining different types of Fake Hair and matching colors and so forth, and this week she's going to order European human hair falls from two companies (Georgie and Shevy) in a few colors each for me to try on, we hope on Sunday. F said she'll come back with me for that appointment, and if I decide that I'm going to take one of those, FHL will do the cutting and styling.

I wonder...can I bring Julian along to the appointment? It's private, and FHL herself will have her hair covered, so it seems logical that he could come.

On a related note, I feel the need to emphasize that the fake hair you see me wearing in my earlier post is not mine. It's very pretty and all, but it looks much prettier on my friend Leah, for whom it was purchased.

part of a series: I, II, branching out, III, IV, sub-V, V . . .

I'm stating to think that Shifra has a hidden camera in my apartment. How else could she have written this?

The Nintendo Catalog

Read the blurbs. Trust me.

Link credit to G.P.
Title credit to R.S.

Perhaps inspired by my Wigging Out series (and I'm still waiting for you to elaborate on your comment, OOSJ!), peninah has posted her Ramblings On Buying Hair.

part of a series: I, II, II 1/2, III, IV . . .

So, I'm a little behind the times, sorry 'bout that, but...Anonymommy gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on Monday!

Oh, yay! My project just got a plug from Nishmat's Yoatzot site:

www.mayimrabim.com. Mayim Rabim is an online resource and discussion forum on issues of taharat hamishpacha. While we cannot vouch for all of the contents of and contributions to the site, we support Mayim Rabim's efforts to build a community for women to discuss these topics with each other.

On a related note, the project has a sub-project brewing, so stay tuned!

Today I brought leftover brownies to work with me, the better to foist upon my co-workeres calories that my own waistline doesn't need. Since they have a cream-based topping, I thought it prudent to store them in the communal fridge, rather than leaving them out on the counter all day. However, since that's not the most obvious place to put things that you want other people to eat, I am putting a little sign on top of the container that says: "Share and Enjoy"

Think anyone will get it?

This morning Julian accompanied me to my second appointment with FHL, who had three falls for me to try on. First off, let me say that those snap-clips hurt like hell. Maybe it takes some getting used to, or maybe it was because I kept taking off and putting on new wigs, but by the end of the hour I had developed quite a headache. I'm sure it just takes some getting used to, and FHL assured me that the clips loosen up over time.

Of the three falls that FHL had me try on, two were from Georgie, and one was from Shevy. (All three were European human hair...if I'm going to do this, I'm going to go as natural-looking as possible, and my own hair is just too light and thin for an Asian hair wig to ever look natural.) The colors on the Georgies were 8 and 10/6/8, and the Shevy was a 10/6. After much switching back and forth and a couple of trips up the stairs to see the wigs in natural sunlight, we decided that the plain 8 was completely out of the running, and the 10/6, while a little dark, was the best match for me colorwise. Unfortunately Georgie does not make a 10/6 fall (FHL called to make sure while we were there), and although she's going o try to get a plain 6 for me to try on, I suspect the decision is going to come down to a 10/6/8 Georgie or a 10/6 Shevy. The Georgie is available as short as en inches - which is already longer than how I'm going to wear it - for $750. The Shevy I tried on was fourteen inches and $1450; FHL is going to try to get one shorter but doesn't think she can do better than 12 inches and $1250. It kills me to spend all this money just to chop half the hair off, but what can you do?

The main differences: The Shevy is hand-tied on top, with a whitish cap, and can be parted in any direction. The very front has a half-inch-wide strip without hair on it, which smooths the transition from my own head to the fall (under a handband). The Georgie has no part in it - the hair is all attached (by machine) to a brown lace cap. However, Julian pointed out that when a woman puts her hair back in a headband (my own very thin hair excepted), it usually falls without a part anyway. With the Shevy, I run the risk of having a part in the very front (my real hair) not match up with the part on the fall, which really would look terrible. The Georgie also has hair all the way up to the front, meaning that - in theory - I can comb a little of my own hair over the edge, blend it in with the fall, and go without a headband at all. In reality, though, my own hair is just too thin to make that work, so the advantage really isn't there.

The Shevy also came in a "small," which is still too big but is closer to my head size. The Georgie, on the other hand, comes in only one size. I found the Shevy easier to put on and adjust on my head, but that was without any customization on either of them. FHL will adjust either to fit my head, removing the extra hair and the pieces of the cap underneath or sewign things up as necessary. She said the Georgie would be less work for her to fix (I think because it's all in rows) but she can do either and make it look good.

If the two brands were closer in price (or maybe even if the Shevy came in a ten-inch length for only $1050), I think I'd opt for the Shevy. I just liked the way it looked with a part, and despite my earlier dislike of the color 6 I think the 10/6 was the best color combination. However, if the Shevy is going to run nearly twice the price of the Georgie...well, that's just a lot to spend on a first-time wig, isn't it? One of two scenarios will play out:

In Scenario A, I get a fall now, use it only for interrviews, find myself in a work environment where I can wear hats all or almost all of the time, and wear a wig so infrequently that the $1450 one would have been a waste of money. After all, it's not like the Georgie looks bad. It's just not quite as nice. I'm sure I'd look snazzier in $2,500 designer suits, too, but the $250 ones are more than passable for my needs.

In Scenario B, I get a fall now, wear it on interviews, end up wearing it to work frequently, and discover that I need one or two other sets of Fake Hair (this stuff does need to get washed and re-styled, after all). Since I'd have had the first fall for a while, I'll have been able to figure out what features my next wig does and does not need, and so will better be able to judge whether something is worth all the money. The question in Scenario B is, if I buy a Georgie now, will it end up sitting on a styrofoam head in the closet as soon as I get a second, more expensive wig?

All opinions welcome. I also have a post in the works responding to some earlier comments, but at this very instant I have to go finish installing our closet shelves...

part of a series: I, II, II 1/2, branching out, IV, sub-V, V . . .

It's Shevat! Almost time to hug a tree...

As promised, the project has grown! I present: Mikolot Mayim Rabim