devarim

Oh dear. I can't believe I'm doing this. It is quite possibly the consummate example of eating my words. It's the thing I said I would never do. (Well, to be fair, I'm sure there are many things I said I would never do, and I can probably llive up to most of those promises, but this is particularly striking.) It's so very conformist and nonconfrontational and so terribly unlike me that I'm surprised Julian hasn't already filed for divorce.

I'm getting a wig.

For those of you who have only recently started reading Devarim, allow me to direct your attention to some older posts about hair-covering. I'm not sure whether it comes across in any of those posts, but (as many people who know me in real life already know) I am vehemently anti-wig. For myself, of course. The rest of y'all can do whatever you want, but it's just not the sort of thing I want to do for myself. At least, not in an ideal world. Wigs just seem wrong to me - why should I cover my hair with more hair? I've heard all the standard arguments: it more effectively covers all of your hair (I don't care about showing the ends of my hair under a hat); it looks nicer and boosts your self-confidence (actually it would make me feel like a fake); you are less likely to take it off in public (I suppose there's some truth to that one, but I've gotten past taking off my hats in public)...I know there are other reasons, I'm sure I've heard them, and I probably already have counter-arguments.

Since I was married, with the exception of a few months in the fall of 2004 (when I didn't cover my hair at work) and several job interviews in the two years before that, I have been consistently covering my hair (at least the majority of it) in any setting ouside of my home and in the presence of men other than my husband and father. Depending on the setting and my mood, I'll wear either a simple cotton beret, a dressy hat, a snood (generally only for overnights at someone else's house), or a large headscarf. At work, it's always a beret, usually in black or dark brown (though I've been known to go wild and crazy with a plum-colored one on some Fridays).

Right, so...now I have come to the point in my life where I must start interviewing for jobs again. My clerkship, extended for one year, will end in August. It is time for me to go out into the big wide world and be a real lawyer. As I plan to stay in the family and probate law field, I expect to have a fair amount of client interaction and courtroom time in my future. I know (or, rather, know of) several other Jewish women who are lawyers and cover their hair at work in some obvious way - usually subdued berets like the ones I've been wearing. And I certainly have enough of a spark in me, enough of a go-to-hell attitude about these things, to decide to just wear hats all the time because dammit it should be my right to do so and ain't no one gonna stop me. If I were a guy, I'd wear a kippah without question. If I were a Muslim woman, I'd wear hijab. I would be doing my little part to combat religious discrimination (or so I'd like to think).

And yet...it's not that simple in my situation. In most people's eyes, a cotton beret is not so much a religious symbol as a fashion statement - and a less than professional-looking fashion statement, at that. What am I going to do - preface every motion argument with: "Your Honor, may it please the Court, I wear this hat for the sole purpose of covering my hair according to the strictures of Jewish law. I mean no disrespect to the judiciary and presume it will have no prejudicial effect on my client?" Obviously no judge would admit to prejudice, and probably there would be no conscious prejudice in any case, but if I want to be a good attorney, I can't allow for unconscious prejudice, either.

I have discussed the issue at length with many friends, some of whom are rebbetzins and/or very learned in the relevant halachot, some of whom share my anti-wig sentiment, and some of whom fit both of those categories. One of the both-categories people had an inital reaction of: "Oh no, Shanna, don't get a sheitel!"* She knew that I like being in-your-face about my hair-covering, and for whatever reason she shares my practical views - this woman wears only hats to cover her hair, which she does scrupulously. But as I explained the situation...how I would have to meet with and instill confidence in clients, how I would negotiate in private meetings and argue in court, how important it is for an advocate to get people to focus on what she wants them to focus on to the exclusion of even minor distractions...she changed her mind. Almost regretfully, she looked me in the eyes and said almost the exact same thing I'd heard from someone else just a few days before: "You may not endanger or compromise your clients or your profession/employment. Not when there's a way to avoid it that still allows you to follow the letter of the law."**

And so...I have decided to get me some Fake Hair. I may not be able to procure said Fake Hair before I have to start interviewing for jobs, but I'm going to try. If it doesn't work out, so be it. I'll give my contact person a heads-up that I'll be wearing a hat for religious reasons, I'll briefly state that I am open to reasonable alternative solutions in the long-term, and hopefully that will be the end of the issue. But, one way or another, there is probably Fake Hair in my future. Tomorrow I'll be trying to call a local woman who sells falls and wigs out of a basement one town over, and if she can fit me in on my day off, all the better. In a few weeks, I'll be in New York again, and a friend*** has graciously offered to take me on a short tour of some Brooklyn sheitel shops. The truth is, if I'm going to do this for work, and for the purpose of not making it obvious that I'm covering my hair, I need to go with the good stuff: European human hair, as close to my natural hair color as scientifically possible, and probably custom-made for a full wig, complete with wispy baby hairs at the hairline and a skin-color, multidirectional part.

I sure as hell hope I find a job to pay these things off. And I hope it's worth it.

-=-

Postscript: Based on an IM conversation with one of my readers, I feel the need to clarify one point. This isn't really a question of wig-or-hat. It's more like wig-or-nothing. I mean, maybe not really...I'm not sure I could really do that anymore, but I also don't really think I can stick with this hat thing in all situations anymore, either.

Also, any tips, tricks, advice, commentary is certainly welcome!

-=-

* A Yiddish term commonly used to refer to a wig used for the purpose of a married woman's covering her hair according to the requiements of Jewish law.

*** ...who may also choose to reveal herself.

part of a series: II, II 1/2, branching out, III, IV, sub-V, V . . .