13 July 2005 (Wednesday)
no flowers
My savta (grandmother) passed away some time in the past several hours. My little sister (who has been in Israel, along with my father, for about a week) called to tell me. The phone rang first around 2:00. Julian picked up; apparently there was no one on the line and so he hung up again, but I knew. When the phone didn't ring again within a couple of minutes, I allowed myself to slip back into sleep, but twenty minutes later I was wide awake again and had my hand out waiting when Julian gave me the phone.
I was a lousy granddaughter. We had no languages in common (she spoke Farsi and Hebrew, I speak only English because I'm a selfish dumb American) and so had difficulty communicating. Add to that my aversion to telephones and my penchant for never ever writing a letter (I have a stack of ununsed SASEs from my other grandmother, who died about two years ago - no joke) and you have a formula for one distant grandchild.
She had so many great stories to tell. I remember the last time I was in Israel, I sat next to her bed with one of my aunts (her daughter-in-law, also Persian) who translated stories and questions back and forth for us. There was a beautiful kind of awkwardness to the whole situation, as Savta spoke in a mix of Hebrew and Farsi, my aunt translated into broken English interspersed with Hebrew, and I sat there taking it all in and asking questions in English due to my gross inability to construct any sentence over three words in any other language.
I learned about her arranged betrothal at age twelve, and how she threw the ring into the garden and ran upstairs to do her schoolwork, and then poured ink on her face hoping it would make her new fiance find her too ugly to marry. I heard about her wedding seven years later (same guy), and how her family poured honey on her hand and placed a lump of sugar in the other hand and set her on a horse to ride to the ceremony. I discovered that my father was actually her third child; the second (a girl) died at a very young age from some childhood illness. She told me things about my father's childhood, about her childhood - stories that I never bothered to write down and now, like so many others, will be lost.
There are tangerines growing in her backyard - tangerines and lemons, those beautiful big sweet Persian lemons that you can eat fresh. I wish I could hold one in my hands now.
Condolences on your loss. She sounds like she was an incredible person.
I'm so sorry Shanna.
Baruch Dayan HaEmet. I am so sorry for your loss. It's very easy to go over your behavior as a granddaughter with a fine tooth comb and find it lacking, especially in your present mood. Don't. I'm sure she felt your love and didn't find it lacking in the least.
This is so sad, and yet lovely at the same time. Thank you for giving us such a vivid picture of her.
Baruch Dayan HaEmet. You painted such a beautiful picture of her. I know (and share) those feelings of not being a "good enough" grandchild. Still, I'm sure your grandmother instinctively knew of your love and affection for her. May your happy memories of your time together bring a smile and comfort at this time.
Baruch Dayan HaEmet. Sorry to hear about your grandmother. The evening before my grandmother died, I didn't go downstairs to say good-bye after dinner. It still makes me sad. Resolve to be closer to the dear ones who are still around.
I'm so sorry.
Baruch Dayan Haemet. I am so sorry Shanna.
You may have limited Hebrew but your ability to write so eloquently in English is clear.
Sweetie, I'm so sorry. But you are wrong that her stories will be lost, because they were obviously not lost on you. It seems you have absorbed an element of her personality, and listening to her has affected you. You valued her, and still do. That counts.
All that having been said, I will, bli neder, write that thank-you note to my grandfather that I've been putting off, tomorrow.
*hugs*
My condolences :-/
:-( Baruch Dayan Emet...
Doesn't really cut it, does it?
sorry dear....
May g-d bestow upon you his blessings and may you never know of any more sorrow.
I'm so sorry, Shanna.
My grandfather told me dozens of stories from his childhood and time spent in the military during WWII. I never got a chance to record him telling me these stories, but I still remember them, and have written bits and pieces of them down. Maybe you could do the same?
Shanna -
Baruch dayan haemes, and my condolences. The fact that you *knew* means that you obviously loved her, regardless of how it showed (or didn't).
Ari -
Your post almost could have been me. Only I don't think anyone wrote any of them down, and the one time my parents tried to tape record my grandfather's reminiscing over a card game - because he always did - he didn't.
BS"D
From one "bad granddaughter" to another, please allow the good things to flow through your mind about your savta & try to let go of the negative self-judgements, which can imprint very deeply & needlessly on you right now.
Keeping you in my heart,
Aviel
Forget to read your blog for a week and I miss everything! (Computer malfunction swallowed all my bookmarks and I am slowly recreating them from memory... except they were saved so I wouldn't have to remember them! So your blog isn't as obvious to click on anymore. Have to rearrange things.)
Anyway, I'm so sorry. Baruch Dayan HaEmes. Etc. (And I don't think you were a bad granddaughter. Reserve forming an opinion until you're a grandmother yourself, okay?)
See you later...
Shan- So sorry to hear about your grandmother. Don't call yourself a lousy granddaughter. Trust someone who was around and remembers how you tried to communicate, and how hard it was- even when your grandmother was in Merrick. With all the other challenges and things going on at the time, don't ever think you were a selfish dumb American.
Thank you all for your comforting words. I truly appreciate it.
(I also am starting to truly appreciate the IE text-drifting problem, not that I'm peeking at this thread at work.)
Baruch Dayan HaEmet.I'm so sorry to hear this. Please accept our condolences. Dror and I were away the past two weekends, so I had no idea that your father and Yael were even in Israel.(All this time I thought she was at Ruach Day Camp with Ali.) Also, nothing was announced from shul, as far as I know. I assume shiva was in Israel. I hope its ok to send your father a card...I know he is sensitive and private about these things.
