22 June 2005 (Wednesday)
and her name will be called
Karen over at Modern Orthodox Woman put up a post about welcoming and naming ceremonies for baby girls, and it looks like an interesting discussion is shaping up. In my comment over there, I wrote about a Shabbat morning baby naming at Ramath Orah that I was privileged to attend a few years ago:
The father brought his new daughter up to the bima with him for his aliyah (or maybe someone handing him the baby during/after the aliyah; I can't remember). His wife came right up next to the bima on the women's side (down-the-middle mechitza) and bentched gomel. The gabbai added a bit of embellishment to the mi sheberach for the mother and baby, and paused (dramatically, and to verify the name) before stating the little girl's name. After the mi sheberach there was a rousing chorus of mazel tovs followed by the baby's father, the rabbi, and a few other men (I think relatives/close friends) gathering around the baby (still in her father's arms) and singing Y'varechecha and possibly some other song. (This was a few years ago, can you tell?) At kiddush, before the rabbi made kiddush (and therefore before people were all chatting and eating), the mother gave a short speech explaining the meaning behind their daughter's name.I still think I'd prefer a more private celebration, not a very public Shabbat morning Torah reading naming, but that one was almost enough to make me change my mind. Too bad it could never happen at my current shul.
Karen also asks (and I've heard this sentiment expressed by other mothers) why any woman would voluntarily plan/host a large gathering on the first Friday night following her daughter's birth, to parallel the shalom zachor held for a baby boy on his first Shabbat of life.
While I can see why that would be overwhelming, I also an enthralled by the idea of welcoming any new baby into the Jewish community by filling hir first Shabbat with singing, laughter, sweets, and words of Torah. What could be a more beautiful way to introduce the child to the beauty of Shabbat? (In theory, of course. In reality, any such gathering I've been to has usually consisted either of a large group of community members who barely know the new parents sitting around drinking someone else's alcohol, eating someone else's food, and just generally socializing, or else a small group of close friends chatting with the new parents and helping them decompress after the first few stressful days of their child's life.)
On the flip side, there is an interesting reason given for having a shalom zachor (literally, "greeting the male") and not a corresponding shalom bat ("greeting the daughter") or shalom nekeiva ("greeting the female"). There is a midrash (legend) that the angel Gavriel (I think) teaches the entire Torah to each Jewish child while s/he is still in the womb. Upon birth, Gavriel strikes the child underneath hir nose, causing hir to forget all the Torah s/he learned (and creating that little indentation in our upper lips...and here you thought there was some biological reason for it). As we learn Torah throughout our lives, those "Aha!" moments are symptomatic not of new knowledge, but of remembering what we learned before we were born. A baby girl does not require brit milah (ritual circumcision) to become "complete" and part of the Jewish people; she is born already a part of the covenant (brit) and, in theory, is permitted to begin learning Torah immediately after birth, if she were capable of it. On the other hand, a baby boy does not fully enter into the Jewish people until after his brit milah on the eighth day of his life; no matter how intelligent or developmentally advanced he is, he would not be permitted to learn Torah before then. We hold a shalom zachor for him on the first Shabbat of him life (which, of course, must be before he is eight days old) to help him remember (zachar - a homonym) that he learned something precious in the womb that is currently out of his grasp.
How wonderful for our daughters that we do not deprive them of Torah, not even for the first week of their lives.
That's very interesting about why you only need something that first shabbat for a boy. I'd never heard that before, but it works for me. and I agree that organizing something so quickly (and in addition to the bris or simchat bat) is really tough. We didn't do it either time because I was still in the hospital over shabbat (not to mention the fact that Yoni's first shabbat was Yom Kippur).
In the first half of my last pregnancy, I'd given a little bit of thought to what I'd do for a girl. I'd decided that I'd want to do a simchat bat at home, but never decided what that would consist of other than a party and a speech about the name. I'm not clear on whether the naming has to be done in shul on shabbat or whether it could wait til Sunday and be done at home. I certainly like the idea of not having a prescribed day for a girl, so you can pick a convenient Sunday (and not spend the pregnancy worried about a Yom Kippur bris!).
I know some people wait weeks for a simchat bat, but I felt like I'd do it the 1st or 2nd Sunday. It's nice to have an occasion for out-of-town relatives to come see the baby quickly. and while it's not easy to have a big party right after giving birth, it's not so bad if you set almost everything up in advance (which we were smart enough to do 2nd time around).
My husband named our daughters in shul the first Shabbat after they were born, whether the baby and I were home or still hospitalized, and a small Kiddush was done that very Shabbat. I didn’t know anything about benching gomel.
Felicia - As far as I know, you can name your baby girl anywhere and at any time. It is considered good to name a baby girl at Torah reading because the Torah is the foundation of our religion and so you want her introduction to the community to be closely associated with it. That's pretty much one of the only things I do like about a baby naming at a Shabbat morning Torah reading; the same could be accomplished at a weekday Torah reading (though the other people there may be in a rush to get to work) and would work out really well if a Sunday rosh chodesh falls shortly after a baby girl's birth (doubly good because rosh chodesh is often considered special for women).
muse - I'm curious how you feel about the namings you had for your daughters. Would you still do the same thing in the future? Do you think that to much emphasis is being placed on the whole thing?
new question: Does anyone know about naming baby girls at night? I know that a boy is supposed to have his brit milah during the day, and early int he morning is supposedly best, but I don't know anything about girls' namings. A combination melava malka and zeved ha-bat seems like it could be really nice.
Well, we went somewhere in-between... My husband named the girls in shul their first Shabbosos. And I think we waited for Shabbos specifically, even when there were other Torah readings in-between. (For Rina it was still her first day of life, since she was born on a Friday night so I was still in the hospital and Aaron had a long walk... prefering to name babies at his "home" shul which was of course the furthest from the hospital).
However, he was not permitted (by me) to have a kiddush for them without me present, so several of those were made on Yontif... giving me plenty of time to recover, and since we didn't use the eruv, allowing me to attend with all the kids. (We did do one on a Shabbos, but it was a convenient Shabbos of our choosing and I arranged a babysitter.)
I also didn't bench gomel... but I have at least heard of that custom. I've also heard of having a man of your choosing do it for you, and I saw once a woman gather 10 women around her after davening (in yes, an Orthodox shul, and it was the Rabbi's idea as being more tzinusdik than with an actual minyan) to say it herself.
Oh, and Shanna, I just had to add... only someone who's yet to give birth would speak so carelessly of "popping one out," I hope it is that easy for you.
Shanna, I think you got your homonyms backwards: zachar is male and zachor is remember. (C.f. parshat Zachor.) I have often wondered why people usually write "shalom zachor" instead of "shalom zachar" so thanks for clearing that up.
aaron - You are totally right. I knew "zachar" seemed wrong for "remember," but I also knew that the two words I was thinking of were zachar and zachor, and everyone always writes "shalom zachor"...
I like the rosh chodesh idea. A Sunday rosh chodesh would be ideal. but unlikely of course.
I don't know anything about naming a girl at night. but I question the "early in the morning is best" for a boy bit. Where do you get that? I know most people do early morning, but I thought that was to be convenient for people who have to get to work. We chose to inconvenience everyone and went with late morning so we could attempt to sleep more.
What I thought was really great was a 5pm bris we went to a few summers ago. It's still "daytime", but fairly convenient to go to after work, without having to wake up at a ridiculous time of the morning. That's actually what I would have gone with if we hadn't ended up with a bris eruv sukkot.
I believe that the goal of having a brit early in the morning of the eighth day derives from the principle of "zrizim makdimim l'mitzvah" -- that we're supposed to do every mitzvah at the first possible opportunity we have to do so.
ahhh...thanks for clarifying...but I'm not sure how much I believe in that principle when it involves the early morning :-)
You're in Hevel Hevalim!
we did one simchat bat at home - open house with very little program. our daughter was named in shul while the mom and baby were still in hospital.
for our younger daughter we invited community and friends to mincha and seuda shlishit for naming and seudat mitzva. we did not want to copy the forms of a brit but having the simchat bat together with the naming gave the whole event a much better focus.
we felt that pushing a little bit insured that we wouldn't put off the simchat bat too long (and not do it).
My daughter was named in shul following a Monday morning Torah reading, less than 6 hours after her birth. . . . and about 6 weeks later, after the yom tovim were over (she was born the week before R"H), we made a simchas bat/seudas hoda'ah on a Sunday.
While I can understand a mother wanting to be in shul for the naming, I would rather my daughter HAVE her name sooner, rather than later.
Especially after the experience of "Baby boy" aka "sweetie" for a week - it gets REALLY old fast (we don't use the name before it is given).
