devarim

Before I got married I studied with a rebbitzen whose husband said all shaitels, except the green and purple Purim kind were traif, because they all looked natural to him. considering what people do to their hair nowadays, even the purple and green are probably too natural looking.

After I got married, my grandfather's brother saw my hat and told me that his grandfather poskened totally against wigs. I only wear them on Purim.

Thanks Shanna! Very fascinating... I'll be reading with interest.

But the question is, when it says "sear b'isha ervah", doesn't it just mean her own? It's not about her hair looking natural per se, is it? It's just about her actual hair showing. I'm comfortable with that.

on a slight tangent, I've been thinking a lot about working with all different types of fibres including human hair.

I honestly think I might spin some hair and knit with it. Shall I knit you a hat, shanna? ;)

pauline - er...um...it sounds interesting, but it would probably skeeve me out too much to actually wear it. I can't articulate why.

orthomom and muse - Nice comments in opposite directions there. My current practice, muse, is like yours. (Except I don't wear wigs on Purim either, but that's just because I find other creative ways to look silly.) However, I have been, and will be, in situations where a hat or headscarf is just not acceptable. I see no need to advertise my religious philosphy and practice when interviewing for a job (though any employer running a web search on my name will find this blog, and I think I'm okay with that). Why hire an obeervant Jew who will be leaving work early on Fridays and disappearing for half the month of October when you can get someone else for the same price?

Most firms will expect me to go into court looking "professional. Athough I have already worked with many of the judges before whom I may appear in the future (in a hat, for the most part), it is a different matter entirely to walk into a courtroom on the other side of the bench, in an inexpensive cotton hat, and have to explain to your client, opposing counsel, the register, the officers, and possibly the judge herself why it's there. It can lead to (unconscious) bias, and even if there is no actual prejudice the client's mere perception that there may be bias is already unacceptable.

So, if my options are wig or nothing (which is how I interviewed before I got this job, and how I went to work for the first ten weeks or so), isn't wig better?

orthomom - You can see that I understand your argument. On the other hand, I am tremendously bothered by the implications of wearing a wig. First of all, there is the possibility of confusion, of someone thinking it is my own hair. I am an in-your-face kind of person when it comes to my religious practice; I am not ashamed and I do not try to hide things. I personally wouldn't like the "look" of not covering my hair. (And, for the record, if I were to get a wig, I would almost certainly be buying a custom European hair one, the kind with a skin-colored part and little wisps at the hairline and all that other stuff that makes it look natural...a fake-looking wig would be almost as bad, for employment purposes, as a hat. Worse, maybe.) With the confusion is the halachic problem of whether such a wig is even permissible. Furthermore, I may become lax in taking care of my own hair...for now, the ends stick out under my hat (yes, that's a whole other conversation) so I have a strong incentive to shampoo and condition regularly, and to get a proper haircut every six to eight weeks (which also helps keep the hair short enough that I'm ok with having the ends stick out). Finally, I'm worried that I'll like wigs too much, or that I'll use them as a crutch where I otherwise would have worn a hat...that I'll start wearing them to work every day instead of only when I need to, then to non-Jewish or non-frum weddings, and then to frum weddings, and then once in a while to shul when none of my hats quite match, and then out to the movies or something where a scarf will make me feel self-conscious. But if the wig crutch is not there, I would not take off a hat or scarf in any of those situations...in fact, nowadays, I am proud to wear something on my head and eager to explain when someone asks about it.

I almost wish I were Muslim, because a chador or hijab is so easily identifiable as a religious article (rather than my hats, which just look like fashion statements). If I were a man, I would have no problem (I like to think) with wearing a kippa at work...but then again, those requirements are so vastly different that I'm not sure what I would think or do.

See, its funny. I have no such discomfort with wearing a wig ANYWHERE. I understand the halacha to mean that as long as MY hair is covered, I can look as darn good as I want. It's MY hair that is immodest, not my looking attractive. And it isn't MY hair that is showing. I can understand how you might feel that I am betraying the spirit of the law if not the letter of it. But I don't at all feel that way.

orthomom - it's not attractive vs. unattractive, or modest vs. immodest. It's about making the statement of having an obvious haircovering, so that everyone around me, Jewish and non, realizes that I am not showing my real hair.

I hear you. I am still ok with knowing that I am following the commandment. I must also add that the natural wig look is big in my community. That helps with the comfort level of wearing one a bit.

I attended my first networking event in a shaitel last night. Ok, I have a semi-custom that I got for a great price. I've been one-on-one with clients and they've asked me after 45 minutes, "weren't you going to cover your hair?" when I say I am, they don't believe me. My active clients are female, so I actually showed them the hairline to prove it wasn't my hair. They all just thought I got a great hair cut. I feel weird.

Anyway, last night, I had to do more explaining as to why I wasn't eatting the yummy smelling cookies (I used a wheat allergy and left it at that) and no one asked about my head.

I thought I'd feel really uncomfortable, but I actually felt better than I would have with "my" hair (which I don't like). To the point that several people thought I was a speaker because I had so much confidence... (little did they know). I still sometimes get worried that despite really strong combs it's slipped on my head and that my hair is showing at the hair line, but that's just paranoia. I really need a hair cut though, it's getting difficult to get it all under the cap (I haven't had one for about 6 months and I've never taken good care of my hair). Hmm.. wonder if I can do it before Lag B'omer.. Anyone?

As far as wearing it in a courtroom. I really would not feel comfortable wearing a hat. I want to know my head is covered, I want others to think about it, but it not to take away from me and what i need to do. I've been to several trials, as I'm just Tech Support I probably could get away being more casual, but I do my best to look even more professional then. Image in front of a judge, your adversary, a jury (bench trials rock), and your boss is everything.

Anyway, my two cents.

it has been mentioned that only your own hair is immodest. What is immodest about hair? Why is there an issue of modesty by hair more so than the face?

mike - Why shoulders and not wrists? Why breasts and not the neck? Why thighs and not ankles? That's just how the rules work out. If anything, this is the clearest distinction; the face is generally an embodiment of one's personality, and more than any other part of the body serves as a vehicle for communication and emotional expression. Requiring anyone to cover hir face would, in effect, silence hem.

As for why married women's hair, and not unmarried women's...I still don't fully understand that.

yutorah.org (rabbi neuberger) has 2 shiurim online on kisui rosh -- i haven't fully listened to all of it but you might find it of interest.

There was a time when all women were required to cover hair (much like in some Muslim communities) and in some communities all the Jewish girls of a certain age wear very tight braids because that is considered more tzanua than loose hair. I am concerned about all this emphasis on women's looks and how it sometimes translates into people (rabbis that posken and girls who listen to them) that looking good (or seeming attractive) is wrong somehow. Not only does that seem like nothing I want to teach my daughter and nothing I want to support at home, what about hiddur mitzvah? I grew up as part of the only observant Jewish family for miles around, and certainly making Judaism look good was a high priority in our house.

I understand totally both orthomom's and shanna's misgivings. I think for me (I am a rueful head-coverer--I only do it because it is required of me by halacha and if it were not I wouldn't do it. I worry sometimes that if I move to a more lenient-looking community or if I am in different circumstances I will stop) the commandment is all. If I felt like wearing a wig were somehow right for me, I'd certainly buy the best one I could. AFAIK, all the surrounding speculation--how the wig looks, etc. is just that. Every time we go to a wedding, I wish I had a sheitel, and I often think about what will happen as I spend a little less time at home with my kids and more out in the wider world (I am home with a couple of toddlers for at least the next couple of years). Will I feel the need to get a sheitel then? Dunno...

I'm also an attorney and I've been wearing a hat in court for 4 years. When I'm appearing before a new judge I call his/her clerk in advance and warn them that I wear the hat for religious reasons; I don't say which religion unless someone asks. Sometimes a bailiff asks about the hat. Sometimes clients ask. I always say it's for religious reasons, but I've got way more important things to do in court than explain my religious beliefs. I've worn it to job interviews and I warn them in advance too. I don't live in a place with a lot of frum folks, so a lot of people don't know I'm Jewish.
I also look longingly at hijabs. It would be easier to just buy a black one and a navy one and then never worry about the details.
I don't wear a sheitel, although sometimes I'm tempted. My husband (who wishes I'd give up the whole hat thing) thinks that if I'm covering my hair I shouldn't have a whole head of hair visible (even if it's not mine or not even real). I agree with his logic.