devarim

Tomorrow I become a grown-up. At 8:30 AM, I begin training for my new job. I haven't yet had a chance to write up those Montreal restaurant reviews. No, that's not entirely accurate; I've had the chance, I just got lazy. I'll do them, I promise. Not now, though. Now, I want to talk about a little phrase that has appeared on almost every piece of paperwork I have filled out for this lovely new job of mine.

"Maiden Name"

Now, just to clarify, I have no problem with an employer knowing my former name, or anyone else's for that matter. I assume it is needed to keep records in order and the like. However, I imagine that married women are not the only people in the world who change their names, nor are the former names needed for this orderly record-keeping certain to be only the birth surnames of these women. This may come as a shock to someone out there, but--wait for it--men also can and sometimes do change their names upon marriage! And men and women are both free to change their names at any time, for (almost) any reason! First names, too! It's a regular name-change-a-palooza out there!

*ahem* What I mean to say is, strictly speaking, a man who changed his surname upon marriage would not need to fill in his birth surname under "Maiden Name," because, well, it's not. Furthermore, a person who has changed her or his name more than once since birth would face quite the challenge in trying to fit all that information onto one of these forms (setting aside the literal meaning of "Maiden Name"). What I think most of the entities issuinig these forms really want is "Birth Name." Why would it be so hard to write that? Why assume that all women change their surnames upon marriage, and that no one else changes a name for any reason? Hell, there's one fewer letter in "birth" than in "maiden," so the government can save on ink in the process!

It's even worse on forms asking for parents' names. Birth certificate forms, for example, nearly always request "father's name" and "mother's maiden name" (or, slightly less misogynisticly, "mother's name at birth"). Again, what if the father is the one who changed his name? Do we not care what his former name was? I'd bet good money that if John (formerly Doe) Smith and Judy Smith filled out a birth certificate form for their new baby both using the surname "Smith," the nurses would all be pestering Judy to put in her maiden name, and they wouldn't give John's name a second thought.

So far, the only form I've had to fill out that requests this information "properly" is the American Red Cross blood donor form, which asks whether you have "ever given blood under a different name."

See? It's not that hard.